19 WAYS TO CELEBRATE A  LOST LOVED ONE WHEN YOU CAN’T HAVE A FUNERAL RIGHT NOW

If you’ve lost a loved one during COVID-19, aka Coronavirus, we are so very sorry. Restrictions from the pandemic have made funerals nearly impossible for the time being, and what’s worse, we can’t gather and hug and remember and comfort each other. There’s no getting around it. It’s awful. That being said, finding a way to honor the person you’ve lost right now may help with healing and provide a sense of community and comfort. We’ve come up with 19 creative and thoughtful ideas for celebrating a lost loved one during the time of COVID-19, and even though we know they don’t take the place of a real gathering, we hope they’ll help you connect and engage with family and friends when you need it most.

1. Livestream a tiny funeral. Some funeral homes are equipped with live-streaming technology, and others are scrambling to get up to speed or at least permitting video calls in certain instances, so you can ask when you are choosing a funeral provider.  You might livestream the funeral yourself or get help from professionals who can set it all up. We know it’s not ideal, but it is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for folks to be present, at least virtually.
2. Host an online memorial event. It can feel so terrible not to be able to celebrate the life of someone you love at the time of their death. But while you may have to wait to plan the memorial IRL, you can host an online “open house” memorial via Zoom, Google Hangouts, or another online meeting platform. As the host, you can create a “meeting” and let folks sign on and off. You can ask each person to light a candle when they join, or to tell a story. It has been amazing throughout the COVID-19 outbreak to see how many people are gathering and connecting virtually. This can be a gift in a time where we are all so far away from each other.
3. Make it a virtual open house. When we’ve lost someone, there is something so special about opening our homes for a whole afternoon or evening, or even for a longer time, to welcome those who want to pay respects. Since we can’t have folks over to our homes right now, why  not use the above technique for creating a memorial event, but specify a range of hours and invite people to stop by whenever they can. Just leave the link active, keep your desktop or laptop open, and visit with friends and family as they drop by. Do make sure to check the rules for your online platform, as you may have to sign off and sign on again after a certain time period, depending on your plan. If you do decide you're ready to welcome folks to gather, you can also host a memorial at home. 
4. Cook and remember together. Using the above technique for an online event, create a theme by circulating your loved one’s favorite recipe or details of their go-to happy meal. Ask everyone to prepare that dish or meal, and gather online to eat “together” and share stories.
5. Do the same as #4, but cocktail-style. Did the person you’re celebrating have a favorite cocktail or wine? Gather virtually and raise a glass in their honor. Extra points for charming toasts!
6. Host a prayer or meditation group.  An online platform can be an excellent place to invoke the spirit of the divine in remembrance and love. You can crowd-source favorite passages from a religious text, or you can contact your loved one’s closest spiritual advisor and ask them to join you online to lead a blessing--or a guided meditation--in their honor.
7. DJ an online dance party. If the person you’re honoring loved to boogie, your online gathering doesn’t have to be solemn. Make a playlist and turn it up!  Invite friends to come ready to dance, and wearing the outfit they most think your loved one would’ve liked.
8. Create a social-distance-friendly IRL memorial. Find a spot in your backyard or a tree on a local hiking trail and designate it as a temporary memorial place. Let friends and family know where it is and ask them to bring a flower, a stone with words written on it, a note, or another natural marker. People can come when they like, and you can visit this fleeting memorial yourself. Just make sure to tell them not to leave lit candles if the spot is not attended.
9. Start a challenge. If you’ve lost a person who was outdoorsy, invite friends to do a run, a hike, or even to train for a race as a tribute. If they liked to travel, ask everyone to plan a future trip inspired by their joie de vivre. If they loved poetry or literature, ask folks to pen a few lines or send a quote in honor of the occasion. Or make a Top Ten Movie List of their favorites and share it with the group. This is a way of encouraging positivity and connection via personal engagement.
10. Plant something. What better way to keep their legacy alive than by encouraging new growth? Plant flowers, a tree, or their favorite veg--send seeds to their nearest and dearest with instructions for tending. Caring for another living organism that will thrive and bear fruit can be very healing in times of loss.
11. Craft a photo memory book. Ask folks to upload or email their favorite photos (as high-resolution as possible), then create a photo album you can print using online resources. Mail copies to close loved ones and add captions or title pages. In a time where we can’t be together, receiving a precious gift like this via US Mail can be more powerful than ever.
12. Find a funny signature gift. It may sound crazy, but humor can be a relief during times of grief, and it can put others at ease as well, especially if your loved one liked to laugh. Buy something they enjoyed. It could be anything--hot sauce, lip balm, craft marshmallows, silly socks, airplane-sized bottles of bourbon, or fun-size M&Ms. Send these little favors to those who are in the know, and add a note to celebrate their sense of humor.
13. Share a recipe file or journal. If your loved one was an avid home cook, collect their favorite recipes and send them out. You can create a memorial cookbook, or just a shared Dropbox file or Google doc to keep the culinary inspiration alive.
14. Make a photo puzzle. Shutterfly and other online services let you make a puzzle out of your favorite photo.  Choose one that feels right and mail copies to close family and friends.
15. Send a candle. Buy a box of votive candleholders or tealights, and send them out to friends and family with a note to light the candle in honor of your loved one. You can even ask them to take a photo or video of them lighting the candle and to send it to you for a shared moment.
16. Use your skills to make something. Paint with watercolors, knit a blanket, write a song or poem. Design a memory garden to plant in your yard. Creativity can be therapeutic and soothing in a time of grief.
17. Organize donations to a favorite charity. Ask friends and family to make a donation to a cause that’s important to you or your loved one. Whether it’s a Coronavirus charity or another organization, giving to others is a very healing way to honor the memory of someone dear.
18. Help a real person. Sometimes helping a family or individual directly can provide a real sense of comfort and joy. If there is someone your loved one knew--someone who is in need--consider reaching out to them in kindness, with money, resources, or time. Do it in honor of the one you loved or respected. It will be a tribute and a gift to you, the person you’re helping, and the person you’ve lost.
19. Plan a beautiful memorial for the future. Design all the details, even if you have to hold the date. The process of planning a personal tribute is healing in itself. You can gather a guest list, choose readings, write a eulogy, think about what kind of food you’ll serve in their honor, contact clergy or crew, and just...plan! Make a mood board of how you’ll personalize the details so that everyone will instantly say, “That was so her!” Use online tools like Pinterest--did you know you can make boards private? Dream big and get inspired. You can find ways to take that inspiration and translate it into a beautiful memorial event when the time is right. It can be very very simple or elegant or fun or bold or downright raucous.  At Farewelling, we believe the celebration of a beautiful life should be about the life lived--the person, their spirit, the things they loved and enjoyed, the people who meant most, and not the circumstances of the loss.

Above all, remember that love is forever. That means the date of the memorial is not the most important detail. What’s key is keeping their memory alive in your heart. If you’ve lost a loved one during this difficult time, you have our sympathy and support, and if you could use help, give us a call on the Farewelling Coronavirus Funeral Helpline at 646-397-8281 or email us at helpline@myfarewelling.com